Morsmordre
by elvencherry07
Summary: Dialogue fic based on GoF movie. Snape and Barty Crouch discuss Dark Marks, and, er, other things. Slashy insinatuations and stuff, so don't read if you don't like. I'll show you mine if you show me yours!


A/N: Um, yeah… so this is expanding on that Crouch scene from GoF when they're talking about dark marks. (Dark marks, mind.) I was v. upset they took out the "lay low at Lupin's" line, but this was pretty good too XP

Or maybe my mind's just that far in the gutter… Tell me if you get it or not!

"I'll show you mine if you show me yours."

"..."

"Aw, come on Sev. I know you're not really the goody-goody double-agent."

"...Barty, I don't think I'm ready to take this step."

"How long has it been since you've looked at it?"

"...maybe five or six years?"

"FIVE OR SIX YEARS! God, Sev! Your own..."

"I know, I know."

"Well, now's the perfect time. Dark Lord rising, Boy-Who-Lived angsting... _such_ a turn-on, don't you think?"

"I still don't know, Barty. But as you've already whipped yours out, I think we'd better examine that first."

"..."

"..."

"Do y'know, I think it's gotten thicker."

"After tonight, or overall?"

"Hm. Both, I'd say. But tonight's events have certainly played a part."

"...Wow, you're right. I haven't seen one that thick since... well, a long time ago."

"I know."

"No need to sound so smug. But gods! Even after Azkaban..."

"Yeah, for a while, I thought Azkaban would really wipe it out. You're lucky you've never been there, Sev. Those dementors... they really suck you dry."

"Yeah, I've heard. Actually, Hagird, that half-breed... well, never mind."

"It's okay though. My father rescued me pretty early on. He actually wanted to inspect it--can you believe the bastard?"

"Heh, that's awful. Personally, my father never even asked to see mine. Seemed to regard it as a taboo subject."

"Yeah."

"...So, what's your secret? How'd you get it so thick?"

"Oh, you know. Loyal service to my lord and all that. Plus my father's house-elf took great care of it."

"Winky? Really? Pardon me, but I never pictured her as the type..."

"Oh, she didn't _want_ to, of course. But what's a house-elf gonna do? Besides, did she have any idea how many people would _kill_ to be in her place? Just to look, bathe, polish..."

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

"So, who else's have you seen?"

"Actually, Karkaroff's, quite recently. He _insisted_ on me taking a look at it. I still shudder at the memory. Not a pretty sight, I assure you. All red and shriveled."

"Heh, he deserves it. That traitor. Have you ever seen Lucius's?'

"Oh, _yes_! He would be so lucky--the Dark Lord's right-hand-man and all. It's absolutely magnificent."

"You know, I always thought it was unfair. Why is his so much longer than everyone else's?"

"I have no idea, Barty. I suspect he might have used some kind of spell...but he tells everyone it's perfectly natural."

"Perhaps it's one of those Malfoy traits. I remember way back, when his father first entered the Service..."

"YOU SAW AUGUSTUS MALFOY'S?"

"Yeah, didn't everybody?"

"No way! He kept it _very_ well hidden. I've heard rumors though... thick AND long, wasn't it?"

"Oh yeah. Must thicker than Lucius's. Better than Zabini's too-- his is a little bit crooked."

"Oh, and Crabbe's and Goyle's? Theirs are practically identical!"

"Yeah, I guess it's because they spend so much time together."

"I can't wait to see Draco's, in a year or two. I'm his godfather, you know."

"Oh, really? I expect you'll be the first to see it then--besides his father and the Dark Lord, of course."

"Yes, it'll be very exciting. The first of a new generation. I wonder what it'll look like?"

"No idea. Probably a lot like Lucius's though."

"Yup."

"..."

"Soooo... did you see any while you were in Azkaban?"

"Oh, you know. Just the usual suspects. Bellatrix, of course, insists on waving it at everyone who passes by. Hers isn't even that impressive!"

"I know. It's too short and faint. What was Voldemort thinking, giving one to a woman anyway?"

"I absolutely agree. _Most_ unnatural. Actually, the one I _really_ wanted to see was Sirius Black's. I've heard it's _very _impressive."

"Oh, please. Black doesn't even have one."

"What?"

"You heard me. Turns out he never got one after all. Typical Gryffindor."

"Oh."

"Yeah."

"..."

"..."

"So, you feeling up to showing me yours now?"

"I guess so. It's kind of weird, you know. I've never even glanced at it--not even in the shower."

"Aw, come on Sev. Take your wand out of my cheek and get it over with."

"Oh, all right."

"..."

"..."

"Now see, that wasn't so bad, was it?"

"I guess not."

"It's perfectly respectable looking. Hasn't changed at all over the years, from what I remember. Still the same size and everything."

"Ehh, yeah, I guess you're right, Barty. Hey- ow! Don't touch!"

"Aw, come on. I let you touch mine."

"But that _hurt_! I guess it's still tender from, you know, earlier."

"Oh, that'll go away soon enough. You just have to stroke it the right way. Here--"

"Mm."

"See, isn't that better?"

"..."

"..."

"Yikes! Did you just hear footsteps?"

"Uh oh. Quick, we've got to hide them! Someone's coming!"

"Oh god. Who is it? What is it?"

"Um... well... it rather looks like... a Dementor...it's getting closer..."

"..."

"..."

"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

_Fin._


End file.
